Back to Banta 2.0

Here she is - back.  Live and in living color!  Welcome to my "Back to Banta 2.0" debut blog.  The last time I published an original (and up to date) blog was probably 4 years ago - possibly longer, but who cares.  The story of my life continues - thankfully, as it should.  I was on a "purpose of life" hiatus for a while - probably where most Americans (or any nationality, I would imagine) find themselves at least once or twice in their lifetimes.  Working a job I absolutely hated - literally. I hated to go to bed at night because I didn't want to wake up the next day and have to go back to that place.  Fortunately for me,  I had an accident and broke my leg, which gave me enough time to have a clear head and resign.  I started my own company, doing something that I was good at, but I wasn't all that excited about it.  Then I was offered a part time job doing something that I truly do love. However, that company was unable to  keep the doors open,  so I moved on to another company, supposedly to do the same thing, but found myself working way more than what I wanted for way less than I should be getting, and becoming more and more stressed as each day went.  Finally,  the straw broke and this girl got a first class seat to the most amazing ride on earth. As luck would have it, I have had the Lifetime movie experience and know that I am pretty resilient. I have a wish for every single person to be able to live the life he or she wants and dreams of. Take a chance on yourself and see where it takes you. Everyone has heard that saying "the only regrets we have are the chances we didn't take" - or something along those lines.  Find something you want.  Find someone you want.  Do something you want.  Make something happen.  In case you missed it, the key words in the previous sentences are verbs.  Find. Do. Make. BE. Be you.  Whenever you want.  Wherever you want.  However you want.  (as long as its legal).  If you hate your job - quit. There's more than one way to make money - having a job you hate, or even one that you like, but you can never get away from,  is the quickest route to the other side of the grass.  Honestly, we humans - or Americans I suppose (can't really speak for other countries since this is the only one I've lived in) seem to relate our work with who we are as people.  Who were you when you were 5 years old? What did you want to be when you grew up?
I was pretty sure I was going to be a trick rider in the circus or a trapeze artist.   Either way - I was going to be in the circus.  So, maybe I didn't make the Barnum & Bailey cut, but I guarantee you, my partner in life right now thinks he is coming home to the Most Amazing Show on Earth every single day!  And its all because I took a chance and he hit the eject button for me and we are both 100,000 times more excited about life now than ever.

In Transit.

Originally written 6/5/2012...
Over the past several months my life has been nothing less than the worlds biggest roller coaster.  I have been on this insanely wild ride, that I truly hope is coming close to that sweet coast where you breathe a sigh of relief because you can see the light again, but also have that accomplished and proud feeling that you not only had the guts to get on the ride, but you kept your eyes open and took in the whole journey and learned a few things along the way.
One of the things I've learned about myself is that I don't enjoy people telling me that  I'm "in transition" -  and yet, I have heard that phrase at least 1000 times over the past few months.  So much so that the last person that said it to me, I'm fairly certain I yelled "STOP SAYING THAT!!! I'm sooo sick of hearing that word!!!".  Which is kinda funny since I'm not really a "yelling" person and also kinda funny since it is totally true.  I am apparently "in transition".   Here is what "in transition" means in my life:  It means that nothing is the same as it once was.  It means I had no stabilizing force in my life, which made me go a whole lot crazy since I am very much an "organized" person and my life was as unorganized as it could get.   I moved out of my house.  I was unemployed. (YAY for my new job!!)  I found out exactly who my real friends were - and that alone was a huge wake-up call,  and I'm not gonna lie, a huge disappointment.   But I also found out that I can count on my immediate family for wonderful support.  My mom, sisters, brothers-in-law, and my kids are people I don't ever want to be without.  And my friends - the ones that, no matter what - want whats best for me and want me to be happy.   For my life to be back on solid ground, I need my relationships with my important people to be good and I need to be an independent, productive member of society.  Those are things that keep me on balance.  And everything is still not where I want it to be, but I can see that its coming. Its scary because there's no telling what the future holds, but its also exciting because there's no telling what the future holds. I see the things that still have to be wrapped up before a new phase can take place.  I see that if I throw out good energy and keep being ME, good things happen.  I also see that when I have bad days (or weeks or months) and lose my confidence, sometimes bad things happen, but thats also when I've had to learn to let go and let someone else pick me up and be the hero.  And THAT is one of the hardest things in the world for me.  I like to be the one that helps everyone else feel better. I don't like being the one that can't do everything on my own.  It makes me mad quite honestly.  But I've also found out that other people need to be needed and when I allow that to happen, it builds a much stronger relationship.
So, here's to TRANSITION... as painful as it may be, something good is on the horizon and I'm super excited to see what that is.

now you know...but, do you really want to??

Gender ID parties are becoming the latest rage where you go to a party for a pregnant person to find out the sex of the baby/babies that are going to be forthcoming.  I am the first person that loves technology and all things futuristic, but I'm kind of at a crossroads here and only because we now have access to SOOOO much information before an event actually takes place.  I kinda miss waiting on THAT super excited, yet completely exhausted phone call with every detail of the hospital and all things pre-natal, up to the "OH MY GOSH - ITS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL BABY BOY (or girl) THATS EVER BEEN BORN!!!  (I will use Boys, for obvious reasons) .  Even tho, I did find out - 3 weeks before my first son was born, that he was, indeed, a boy - but I didn't really believe them and the pictures i have are certainly not proof of that.  The second time - after mulitple b-scans and shenanigans, I was told it was a girl, so when son #2 was born - THAT was indeed a surprise.  By the time i was knocked up with the 3rd one, I didn't think i needed to mess with the technology and just went ahead and picked out a boys name and called it done.  I was right.  (For the record, his name is Griffin, not "Done" - just thought I should clarify)
So - here/s the question....I know everyone is super excited about WHAT they are having and want to do all the shopping and nursery decorating and whatnot, but do you ever miss the anticipation of going the distance and not REALLY KNOWING until he/she makes his/her own wonderful entry into the world??  And for that 15 minutes, its just you, your partner (and prob your mom) and your newborn child getting to experience the most awe-inspiring moment that will ever take place in your life.  It just seems so much more thrilling to hear "We're on our way to the hospital! --  Can't wait to see what we made!!"  Rather than - "Oh hey, Maverick Mayhem will be arriving around noon."  
Now we not only know the sex of the baby, we can pinpoint the arrival, color of hair and and pretty much know where the scales will tip.  And all we have to do is bite into a cupcake.

Add to Cart - aka my Poison

  I'm  a huge "window" shopper - and by "window" I mean if its in my visual window, then I'm shopping!  I love things that are easy and user friendly.  There are no dressing rooms with those god-awful lights and what I (not affectionately) call Camera mirrors - because they automatically add 10 lbs .  There are pictures  and TRUE testimonials of how awesome and enriched my life will be when I have these wonderments in my possession.  I got addicted to "Add to Cart" one year when I decided to Christmas shop at 3:00am.  Oh my goodness!  Add to Cart and I became best friends!!  I just clicked and TA-DAH!! presents automatically landed on my front porch.  It was truly a Christmas miracle!  There were no cars that were gonna cause me to go into parking lot rage, there were no parents yelling at their kids to stop crying, there were no sales people bombarding me with "specials", it was just me and Add to Cart.  I fell in love.  And as anyone who has ever been in love knows - its not always a 50-50 split on the give and take.  But with Add to Cart, it always gives me exactly what I want, with one little touch.  Those three little words changed my life forever.

the Boys are back in Town

Last night I went to dinner with my cousin, who is about to become a grandmother for the first time.  When I walked in to Flips, she was sitting at the table holding a tiny baby boy - which was unusual - not because she had a baby that was of no relation to her, but that it was a boy.  My cousin is the mother of two adult daughters and has never experienced all the most wonderful and exciting things that having boys in your life on the daily brings to the table.  Now her oldest daughter is pregnant with twins and a couple of weeks ago, we found out that they are both boys.  Nothing could have shocked her more, and to be completely honest,  disappointed her.  I, of course, being the only person in our family for at least our generation and  the 2 generations before, was the first to have 3 boys and zero girls - so I thought it was the greatest thing ever.  I still do.  I woke up this morning thinking about, first how sweet and precious Baby Eli was that I also held last night, but also how lucky I got to be in a house FULL of boys for 20 plus years.   My boys are just such fun people.....They bring a completely different vibe into the mix with the loudness and the wrestling and the general messiness that just IS boys. - I found out early on to never, EVER use the phrase "Oh my kid would NEVER do that!!".......As soon as those words leave your mouth, you will instantly become a liar.  Believe me on that one!! They are psychic and basically just enjoy messing with your head.
However, there are so many awesome things about boys that I miss more than words can say since mine have now moved on and left me, but I'm going to take a quick trip down memory lane and enjoy how much each one taught me a wonderful lesson on patience, parenting and determining that no matter how old you are, you are never too old to take a lesson (or 2) from your kids.  
But also, the unconditional, never-wavering, ever-present love that they have for their mom.  Any other female that is brought into a male-dominated household learns very quickly she better be able to hold her own.
So, congratulations to my beautiful cousins, Kimma & Zig and to their kids, Brad & Terra and the newest little rockstars, Jett & Jagger.  Your lives will never be the same and for that you can thank J-squared - they will keep you on your toes, make you think it was actually YOUR idea to get that puppy, snake, lizard, ferret, goldfish (hint on that one - just buy them in bulk!), guinea pig, drums, guitar, paintball gun,  every action figure and lego that has EVER been invented and GUM!!!

PS.  I started this in Feb........and finished it in May.     What can I say?? I  got busy...  :)

still bitchin

Its been pushing a year since my first foray into the retail environ and I now feel like I've earned a degree in psychology.  And I will just say - Women are crazy.  I mean as shoppers.  I don't mean that in necessarily a really bad way, and I'm not including ALL women - only about 78%, but seriously - I'm talking about SHOES.  Maybe it just irritates me that they take so long to make a decision.  Its not rocket science, its not botox or a boob job - which they CLEARLY did not spend enough time contemplating those choices - its SHOES.  SHOES!!  The one thing you HAVE to wear to eat in restaurants or walk around in any public establishment.  I know not everyone shares my enthusiasm and probable obsession over what is arguably the most important article in ones fashion repertoire, but I honestly do not understand the dilemma some women put themselves thru trying to decide on a pair of shoes.  Or how they go about buying them and the drama they put themselves thru to rationalize a purchase for themselves.  I have said since Day 1, Men are my favorite customers.  They know what they want,  or what their female person of interest wants, they see it, it works, Done. There's no "well, I could wear it with jeans or a dress" or "OMG, So&So is gonna kill me"  I promise you, ladies - HE DOES NOT CARE.  and if he will honestly KILL YOU,  then YOU  are an idiot for being with him in the first place and you don't deserve to wear cool shoes.  So, get off the dadgum "Debt Diet" that Oprah keeps preaching (and hows about you take a look at her Louboutin's while she's telling you not to spend money before you take her advice) and go take control of your own brain and get what you want.  And if you don't want to buy shoes - or anything else for that matter - Then DON'T GO TO THE CANDYSHOP!!!   But, if you do, then be WOMAN enough to make a decision and own it.  Welcome to the 21st Century.

The Circle

Its been a hot minute since my last blog.  I've never considered myself a writer - my sisters are the word wizards - but I do, on occasion, feel the need to verbalize, and obviously today is one of those days.  The past couple of years I have been on a self-searching mission....not that I was missing in action or anything, but more of a trying to find the person I am on my own.  Turns out I will probably never find that because I have too many people in my life to ever be on my own, which, if you think about it - is awesome.  If anyone had told me 2 years ago the things I would experience, I probably would have gone the "Rock, Paper, Scissors" route  to determine which side of the grass I would be on.  So, I guess its a bonus that I didn't make use of any fortune-tellers at the time.   I won't list out all the drama or all the crazy thats been gettin all up in my head but I will say I have the very best friends and the very best family a person could ever want.  I have a job that I pretty much enjoy 87% of the time.  I've met so many new people and have friends all over the place and I LOVE THAT!   I love that I got to travel all over the place and dance in front of thousands of people.  I love that I have a kid that has a wife that lets him BE HIM and he has his dream job and is absolutely fantastic at it.  I love that I have a kid that has a dream to be a rockstar and is living that dream every single day - I love that he's making his own path and not following all the rules to be who he wants to be.   I love that I have a kid thats got my sense of humor and also an IQ of Einstein - I love that no matter what - he GETS me. I've also hit the jackpot in the mom/sisters life lottery - no matter what, my sisters and mom will be there to save me - either from myself or anything else.  They have watched me go through some good times and some bad times.  Never judging, but always willing to listen and help in anyway possible.  There are no people  in this world that love me like they love me.  Everyone should be so lucky!  I would say I've got a pretty good life and sometimes it takes a little bit of thunder and lightening to shake things up so you can enjoy the rain.

Side note (or footnote or whatever you want to call it note) - I wrote this a little over 6 years ago, but was recently inspired to blog again, so I thought I would re-publish a couple of past blogs.  If you enjoy it, feel free to "subscribe" or whatever - Its free, hopefully entertaining for the most part and who knows, maybe you'll even learn a thing or two! ;)