Originally written 6/5/2012...
Over the past several months my life has been nothing less than the worlds biggest roller coaster. I have been on this insanely wild ride, that I truly hope is coming close to that sweet coast where you breathe a sigh of relief because you can see the light again, but also have that accomplished and proud feeling that you not only had the guts to get on the ride, but you kept your eyes open and took in the whole journey and learned a few things along the way.
One of the things I've learned about myself is that I don't enjoy people telling me that I'm "in transition" - and yet, I have heard that phrase at least 1000 times over the past few months. So much so that the last person that said it to me, I'm fairly certain I yelled "STOP SAYING THAT!!! I'm sooo sick of hearing that word!!!". Which is kinda funny since I'm not really a "yelling" person and also kinda funny since it is totally true. I am apparently "in transition". Here is what "in transition" means in my life: It means that nothing is the same as it once was. It means I had no stabilizing force in my life, which made me go a whole lot crazy since I am very much an "organized" person and my life was as unorganized as it could get. I moved out of my house. I was unemployed. (YAY for my new job!!) I found out exactly who my real friends were - and that alone was a huge wake-up call, and I'm not gonna lie, a huge disappointment. But I also found out that I can count on my immediate family for wonderful support. My mom, sisters, brothers-in-law, and my kids are people I don't ever want to be without. And my friends - the ones that, no matter what - want whats best for me and want me to be happy. For my life to be back on solid ground, I need my relationships with my important people to be good and I need to be an independent, productive member of society. Those are things that keep me on balance. And everything is still not where I want it to be, but I can see that its coming. Its scary because there's no telling what the future holds, but its also exciting because there's no telling what the future holds. I see the things that still have to be wrapped up before a new phase can take place. I see that if I throw out good energy and keep being ME, good things happen. I also see that when I have bad days (or weeks or months) and lose my confidence, sometimes bad things happen, but thats also when I've had to learn to let go and let someone else pick me up and be the hero. And THAT is one of the hardest things in the world for me. I like to be the one that helps everyone else feel better. I don't like being the one that can't do everything on my own. It makes me mad quite honestly. But I've also found out that other people need to be needed and when I allow that to happen, it builds a much stronger relationship.
So, here's to TRANSITION... as painful as it may be, something good is on the horizon and I'm super excited to see what that is.
Over the past several months my life has been nothing less than the worlds biggest roller coaster. I have been on this insanely wild ride, that I truly hope is coming close to that sweet coast where you breathe a sigh of relief because you can see the light again, but also have that accomplished and proud feeling that you not only had the guts to get on the ride, but you kept your eyes open and took in the whole journey and learned a few things along the way.
One of the things I've learned about myself is that I don't enjoy people telling me that I'm "in transition" - and yet, I have heard that phrase at least 1000 times over the past few months. So much so that the last person that said it to me, I'm fairly certain I yelled "STOP SAYING THAT!!! I'm sooo sick of hearing that word!!!". Which is kinda funny since I'm not really a "yelling" person and also kinda funny since it is totally true. I am apparently "in transition". Here is what "in transition" means in my life: It means that nothing is the same as it once was. It means I had no stabilizing force in my life, which made me go a whole lot crazy since I am very much an "organized" person and my life was as unorganized as it could get. I moved out of my house. I was unemployed. (YAY for my new job!!) I found out exactly who my real friends were - and that alone was a huge wake-up call, and I'm not gonna lie, a huge disappointment. But I also found out that I can count on my immediate family for wonderful support. My mom, sisters, brothers-in-law, and my kids are people I don't ever want to be without. And my friends - the ones that, no matter what - want whats best for me and want me to be happy. For my life to be back on solid ground, I need my relationships with my important people to be good and I need to be an independent, productive member of society. Those are things that keep me on balance. And everything is still not where I want it to be, but I can see that its coming. Its scary because there's no telling what the future holds, but its also exciting because there's no telling what the future holds. I see the things that still have to be wrapped up before a new phase can take place. I see that if I throw out good energy and keep being ME, good things happen. I also see that when I have bad days (or weeks or months) and lose my confidence, sometimes bad things happen, but thats also when I've had to learn to let go and let someone else pick me up and be the hero. And THAT is one of the hardest things in the world for me. I like to be the one that helps everyone else feel better. I don't like being the one that can't do everything on my own. It makes me mad quite honestly. But I've also found out that other people need to be needed and when I allow that to happen, it builds a much stronger relationship.
So, here's to TRANSITION... as painful as it may be, something good is on the horizon and I'm super excited to see what that is.
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