Back to Banta 2.0

Here she is - back.  Live and in living color!  Welcome to my "Back to Banta 2.0" debut blog.  The last time I published an original (and up to date) blog was probably 4 years ago - possibly longer, but who cares.  The story of my life continues - thankfully, as it should.  I was on a "purpose of life" hiatus for a while - probably where most Americans (or any nationality, I would imagine) find themselves at least once or twice in their lifetimes.  Working a job I absolutely hated - literally. I hated to go to bed at night because I didn't want to wake up the next day and have to go back to that place.  Fortunately for me,  I had an accident and broke my leg, which gave me enough time to have a clear head and resign.  I started my own company, doing something that I was good at, but I wasn't all that excited about it.  Then I was offered a part time job doing something that I truly do love. However, that company was unable to  keep the doors open,  so I moved on to another company, supposedly to do the same thing, but found myself working way more than what I wanted for way less than I should be getting, and becoming more and more stressed as each day went.  Finally,  the straw broke and this girl got a first class seat to the most amazing ride on earth. As luck would have it, I have had the Lifetime movie experience and know that I am pretty resilient. I have a wish for every single person to be able to live the life he or she wants and dreams of. Take a chance on yourself and see where it takes you. Everyone has heard that saying "the only regrets we have are the chances we didn't take" - or something along those lines.  Find something you want.  Find someone you want.  Do something you want.  Make something happen.  In case you missed it, the key words in the previous sentences are verbs.  Find. Do. Make. BE. Be you.  Whenever you want.  Wherever you want.  However you want.  (as long as its legal).  If you hate your job - quit. There's more than one way to make money - having a job you hate, or even one that you like, but you can never get away from,  is the quickest route to the other side of the grass.  Honestly, we humans - or Americans I suppose (can't really speak for other countries since this is the only one I've lived in) seem to relate our work with who we are as people.  Who were you when you were 5 years old? What did you want to be when you grew up?
I was pretty sure I was going to be a trick rider in the circus or a trapeze artist.   Either way - I was going to be in the circus.  So, maybe I didn't make the Barnum & Bailey cut, but I guarantee you, my partner in life right now thinks he is coming home to the Most Amazing Show on Earth every single day!  And its all because I took a chance and he hit the eject button for me and we are both 100,000 times more excited about life now than ever.

In Transit.

Originally written 6/5/2012...
Over the past several months my life has been nothing less than the worlds biggest roller coaster.  I have been on this insanely wild ride, that I truly hope is coming close to that sweet coast where you breathe a sigh of relief because you can see the light again, but also have that accomplished and proud feeling that you not only had the guts to get on the ride, but you kept your eyes open and took in the whole journey and learned a few things along the way.
One of the things I've learned about myself is that I don't enjoy people telling me that  I'm "in transition" -  and yet, I have heard that phrase at least 1000 times over the past few months.  So much so that the last person that said it to me, I'm fairly certain I yelled "STOP SAYING THAT!!! I'm sooo sick of hearing that word!!!".  Which is kinda funny since I'm not really a "yelling" person and also kinda funny since it is totally true.  I am apparently "in transition".   Here is what "in transition" means in my life:  It means that nothing is the same as it once was.  It means I had no stabilizing force in my life, which made me go a whole lot crazy since I am very much an "organized" person and my life was as unorganized as it could get.   I moved out of my house.  I was unemployed. (YAY for my new job!!)  I found out exactly who my real friends were - and that alone was a huge wake-up call,  and I'm not gonna lie, a huge disappointment.   But I also found out that I can count on my immediate family for wonderful support.  My mom, sisters, brothers-in-law, and my kids are people I don't ever want to be without.  And my friends - the ones that, no matter what - want whats best for me and want me to be happy.   For my life to be back on solid ground, I need my relationships with my important people to be good and I need to be an independent, productive member of society.  Those are things that keep me on balance.  And everything is still not where I want it to be, but I can see that its coming. Its scary because there's no telling what the future holds, but its also exciting because there's no telling what the future holds. I see the things that still have to be wrapped up before a new phase can take place.  I see that if I throw out good energy and keep being ME, good things happen.  I also see that when I have bad days (or weeks or months) and lose my confidence, sometimes bad things happen, but thats also when I've had to learn to let go and let someone else pick me up and be the hero.  And THAT is one of the hardest things in the world for me.  I like to be the one that helps everyone else feel better. I don't like being the one that can't do everything on my own.  It makes me mad quite honestly.  But I've also found out that other people need to be needed and when I allow that to happen, it builds a much stronger relationship.
So, here's to TRANSITION... as painful as it may be, something good is on the horizon and I'm super excited to see what that is.

now you know...but, do you really want to??

Gender ID parties are becoming the latest rage where you go to a party for a pregnant person to find out the sex of the baby/babies that are going to be forthcoming.  I am the first person that loves technology and all things futuristic, but I'm kind of at a crossroads here and only because we now have access to SOOOO much information before an event actually takes place.  I kinda miss waiting on THAT super excited, yet completely exhausted phone call with every detail of the hospital and all things pre-natal, up to the "OH MY GOSH - ITS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL BABY BOY (or girl) THATS EVER BEEN BORN!!!  (I will use Boys, for obvious reasons) .  Even tho, I did find out - 3 weeks before my first son was born, that he was, indeed, a boy - but I didn't really believe them and the pictures i have are certainly not proof of that.  The second time - after mulitple b-scans and shenanigans, I was told it was a girl, so when son #2 was born - THAT was indeed a surprise.  By the time i was knocked up with the 3rd one, I didn't think i needed to mess with the technology and just went ahead and picked out a boys name and called it done.  I was right.  (For the record, his name is Griffin, not "Done" - just thought I should clarify)
So - here/s the question....I know everyone is super excited about WHAT they are having and want to do all the shopping and nursery decorating and whatnot, but do you ever miss the anticipation of going the distance and not REALLY KNOWING until he/she makes his/her own wonderful entry into the world??  And for that 15 minutes, its just you, your partner (and prob your mom) and your newborn child getting to experience the most awe-inspiring moment that will ever take place in your life.  It just seems so much more thrilling to hear "We're on our way to the hospital! --  Can't wait to see what we made!!"  Rather than - "Oh hey, Maverick Mayhem will be arriving around noon."  
Now we not only know the sex of the baby, we can pinpoint the arrival, color of hair and and pretty much know where the scales will tip.  And all we have to do is bite into a cupcake.